A triptych of mental states
A triptych of mental states. Starting with a Vikram Seth poetry book that Yoshi had leant me. It’s December already! Starts sad, ends nice. Promise. xx
Monday 27th November
Vikram Seth ‘Can’t’
I find I simply can't get out of bed.
I shiver and procrastinate and stare.
I'll press the reset button in my head.
I hate my work but I am in the red.
I'd quit it all if I could live on air.
I find I simply can't get out of bed.
My joints have rusted and my brain is lead.
I drank too much last night, but now I swear
I'll press the reset button in my head.
My love has gone. What do I have instead? -
Hot-water bottle, God and teddy bear.
I find I simply can't get out of bed.
The dreams I dreamt have filled my soul with dread.
The world is mad, there's darkness everywhere.
I'll press the reset button in my head.
Who'll kiss my tears away or earn my bread?
Who'll reach the clothes hung on that distant chair?
I must, I simply must get out of bed
And press that reset button in my head.
Wednesday 29th November
I’ve spent 4 hours on public transport today. I’ve not been able to concentrate on my book so I've been staring into my phone wishfully searching for answers. Similar to the search for answers in the fridge. No belly rumbling hunger, just a mind hunger for distractions from whatever mundane task needs doing. Anything to stop me being still and sitting with the thoughts. Come on phone. Maybe show me a snapshot of a time less cold, less frustrated, less commute-y. A bit more summer-y. I start thinking about how many hours I’ve wasted flicking from screen to screen like a zombie. There's no wifi down here so i’m just aimlessly clicking on apps. Refreshing my instagram feed to see if it will load. Please just show me some delicious mob kitchen snack that I want to eat but definitely won’t cook because I’m so knackered. Lemon pasta for dinner again? No, I ran out of parmesan. Maybe the Bolognese Lays mum brought me back from France. Some roquefort and a little bowl of cornichons. There's some nondescript fresh pasta squiggles Jess bought from the polish supermarket but I don't really know what to do with them. I look around the wide carriage of the Lizzy line and see that every other person on this coach is doing exactly the same thing as me.
FRIDAY 1st December
By Friday I was feeling a lot more hopeful. Molly was coming to my studio to take photos of me in our collaboration pants. The night before my main heater had broken so we were in for cold noses and icy toes. As soon as Molly arrived, the snowflakes began falling onto the roundabout outside SET. The cafetiere was full and hot, filling the room with the comforting smell. A little gossip and a little catch up we took to setting up the room to shoot. Moving my ADHD piles of to-do lists and doodles.
After introducing Molly to another artist friend at SET I was told that me and Molly have the same energy. A similar disposition.
I’m obsessed with Molly’s work. So obsessed I asked her to re-design my logo for me. I wanted the logo to embody the process that goes into El Bras. For the logo to represent the integral part of my business which is the actual process of making. It’s not about making more money with doing less. High profit margins. It’s about doing something that helps me cope with the world and process life one stitch at a time.
The figures in Molly’s design are ambiguous in their gender. Passing a piece of cloth to each other. I love how soft they are. And how timeless. The figures are taken from ancient Greek statues. In the summer we started voice-noting about various themes on art and creativity. We realised we needed to make at least one collaborative project together so we’ve made you a limited run (only 18 pairs in an assortment of sizes) to relieve any Christmas present stress. The knickers are so soft - made from organic, OEKO-tex certified bamboo jersey (for anyone who doesn't know what this is - OEKO-Tex standards ensure there is a level of responsibility to protect natural resources in the production of materials. From farm to product, with a mission driven by sustainability and transparency, materials have been tested for the use of genetically modified organisms and harmful substances.) This cotton is free from any baddies and made with all the love in the world.
The cotton knickers, which sit perfectly just under your belly button, are framed by a celestial frilled elastic that I hand dyed lilac. Each individual pair has then been lovingly hand painted by Molly - a sweet angel lying on her back on the butt and a smiling star and sly moon on the front. Slightly tarot-esque in my eyes.
Some of Molly’s figures remind me of a book I read at the beginning of this year - The Doloriad - a story set in an unnamed Czech city following the last family left alive after an environmental disaster has wiped humankind out. Even though this is the opposite of what Molly’s work looks or feels like, the limbless and mute character of The Doloriad has stuck with me throughout the year.
She is the product of an incestuous relationship so she is severely disabled and is used as a scapegoat for all of her family's evils. In the book she faces a lot of violence so don’t read this if you aren’t ok with the dark and dirty side of literature (which is definitely my cup of tea so send recommendations if you have any please). But she is also a symbol of hope and restoration and the breakdown of evils. [SPOILER COMING] The book ends with her escaping to the forest and in my visual memory of the story she has a halo of golden light around her head. I can see it so clearly in my head. Angelic. Celestial. Surpassing the fate that was predicted of her. I can’t actually check though because I have a habit of giving away my books when I love them - forgetting that I might want to revisit them again.
She can exist as the angel I have painted her in my mind's eye.
Please buy a pair of mine and Molly’s knickers! They are so beautiful and we’ve worked very hard on making your Christmas presents hehe <3
CLICK HERE TO BUY OUR ANGEL KNICKERS
Next week I’m going to do a round up of all the art, music, books, and films I’ve loved and adored and gobbled up this year.
Love you all - pants out today!
El xx